A woman was very despondent over not having sex in quite some time.
She was becoming agitated and worried that she might never find a mate.
In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided that it was time to see a doctor.
Looking thru the phone book, she came upon a Chinese sex therapist named Dr. Chang.
When the woman arrived, she told the doctor her symptoms and he said, "Take off all your clothes and you crawl real fass away from me across the froor."
She crawled to the other side of the room and Dr. Chang said,
"Now...you crawl real fass back to me," and she did. Dr. Chang shook his head and said,
"you haf real bad case of Ed Zachary disease....worse case I ever see! That why you haf sex probrem."
The woman was completely confused and asked the doctor exactly what Ed Zachary Disease was and he replied,
"Ed Zachary Disease....that when your face rook ED-ZACHARY rike your ass!"
Excellent site that searches best options for you
Thursday 19 May 2016
A guy was walking
A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?"
So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?"
She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go to the alley and she takes off... her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them.
Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?"
"Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!"
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?"
So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?"
She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go to the alley and she takes off... her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them.
Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?"
"Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!"
useless info
Did u know that some species of octopus actually rip their penis off and throw it at the female which she grabs and uses that to inseminate herself ...
Guess what else !!!! The males penis grows back ... OMW
Imagine that guys rip theirs off and give it away and wait for a new one to grow back ...
Wtf do u do in the meantime !!!
Not me tks ... I like mine were it is hey .
Guess what else !!!! The males penis grows back ... OMW
Imagine that guys rip theirs off and give it away and wait for a new one to grow back ...
Wtf do u do in the meantime !!!
Not me tks ... I like mine were it is hey .
What has happened to South Africa
Were are the days you could walk around the suburbs with your kids while they ride their bicycles... ?
What happened to those all night beach parties and bonfires ...?
When will we be able to sleep in our beds with the peace of mind that criminals wont try break into our homes which have 8 foot walls barbed wire on top of the walls, state of the art alarm system , a big guard dog and lights on outside all night ...
Why are our police so poor with response times ?
were are all the police vehicles gone ? .
You phone for help/assistance and you get ( ohhhh no moto - must wait ) ... Wtf wait ...???
If you shoot someone who breaks into your house and you kill him you get arrested ...
Basically he has to shoot or stab you first before you are allowed by law to protect yourself and your family ... How screwed up is that !!!
Traffic cops are all bloody crooked as well ... a quick flash of a R50 or a R100 in the id is normally enough to get you off your speeding fine or worse ...
When will our so called government stop embezzling money for themselves and family and actually repair roads, build schools for the needy, make paying for water and electricity a must for all ...
When will jobs be available for both the white and black man alike and not only everything be ( BEE ) ...
When will the government actually start listening to its people and stop doing what they please ... South Africa has never been a perfect place to live in but for Pete's sake its getting worse by the day week and months that go ahead ...
When will this change ?
When will South Africa be rid of the politicians out for money and not for actually doing what should be done for the countries people ...
South Africa is headed the way of zimbabwe quicker than what anyone actually wants to admit ...
Would love to actually meet our president and give him a piece of my mind ...
But we are all in this country together but only the selected few have the guts to actually be outspoken and ask questions and demand answers to those. I say thank you and never stop ...
What happened to those all night beach parties and bonfires ...?
When will we be able to sleep in our beds with the peace of mind that criminals wont try break into our homes which have 8 foot walls barbed wire on top of the walls, state of the art alarm system , a big guard dog and lights on outside all night ...
Why are our police so poor with response times ?
were are all the police vehicles gone ? .
You phone for help/assistance and you get ( ohhhh no moto - must wait ) ... Wtf wait ...???
If you shoot someone who breaks into your house and you kill him you get arrested ...
Basically he has to shoot or stab you first before you are allowed by law to protect yourself and your family ... How screwed up is that !!!
Traffic cops are all bloody crooked as well ... a quick flash of a R50 or a R100 in the id is normally enough to get you off your speeding fine or worse ...
When will our so called government stop embezzling money for themselves and family and actually repair roads, build schools for the needy, make paying for water and electricity a must for all ...
When will jobs be available for both the white and black man alike and not only everything be ( BEE ) ...
When will the government actually start listening to its people and stop doing what they please ... South Africa has never been a perfect place to live in but for Pete's sake its getting worse by the day week and months that go ahead ...
When will this change ?
When will South Africa be rid of the politicians out for money and not for actually doing what should be done for the countries people ...
South Africa is headed the way of zimbabwe quicker than what anyone actually wants to admit ...
Would love to actually meet our president and give him a piece of my mind ...
But we are all in this country together but only the selected few have the guts to actually be outspoken and ask questions and demand answers to those. I say thank you and never stop ...
Aliens
My belief about this topic is somewhat different to others i think ...
I believe we are not alone most definitely but don't have the actual evidence or footage to prove that we are not alone ... I believe they live among us in plain sight ...
No not cloaked in a supernatural force field but as us, like us in human form ... We each have our opinions ... We believe what we see, can hear, can touch ...
Other than that newspapers and tv basically give us info that they want us to see or hear ...
All over the world sightings pop up daily ...
Some get leaked out others not ... We as human beings always have an answer to any alien footage or sightings due it making it easier for us to fathom and believe cause it has a scientific answer ...
I have had an encounter as a child growing up in a small farm dorpie ( town ) in komga ... Lay in bed heard a humming noise that increased and decreased as the lights flashed through the curtains onto my bed ...
We had a big avocado pear tree out back in the centre of the double plot yard that we had amongst the apple and grapefruit and orange trees we had ... I clearly was the only person that heard noise or saw the lights flashing in the house due to no one else waking up from the noise and flashing lights ...
The kitchen lights kept flashing after a while .. Heard cutlery being moved around and heard weird high pitched noises ... I eventually had the guts to lift the duvet from my head to see 3 little beings things creatures in the doorway of my room size of my hand at the time ...
Just standing there dead quiet ...
Then a loud noise came from the spaceship and they were gone and lights disappeared ... Next morning no one believed my story but the top of the avocado pear tree which was around 10m high was burnt black and leaves dead ...
So i tell you again i do believe in extraterrestrials and find them fascinating and wonder why the hell they would want to visit this planet of ours?
What could they actually think they can learn from us ...
I believe what happened actually did happen to me and that what i saw and heard was not some figment of my childhood imagination or not some helicopter hovering outside and rats standing in my bedroom doorway ...
But hey, believe what u want ...
I know what i know ...
Cause i was there and saw and heard it for myself ...
I believe we are not alone most definitely but don't have the actual evidence or footage to prove that we are not alone ... I believe they live among us in plain sight ...
No not cloaked in a supernatural force field but as us, like us in human form ... We each have our opinions ... We believe what we see, can hear, can touch ...
Other than that newspapers and tv basically give us info that they want us to see or hear ...
All over the world sightings pop up daily ...
Some get leaked out others not ... We as human beings always have an answer to any alien footage or sightings due it making it easier for us to fathom and believe cause it has a scientific answer ...
I have had an encounter as a child growing up in a small farm dorpie ( town ) in komga ... Lay in bed heard a humming noise that increased and decreased as the lights flashed through the curtains onto my bed ...
We had a big avocado pear tree out back in the centre of the double plot yard that we had amongst the apple and grapefruit and orange trees we had ... I clearly was the only person that heard noise or saw the lights flashing in the house due to no one else waking up from the noise and flashing lights ...
The kitchen lights kept flashing after a while .. Heard cutlery being moved around and heard weird high pitched noises ... I eventually had the guts to lift the duvet from my head to see 3 little beings things creatures in the doorway of my room size of my hand at the time ...
Just standing there dead quiet ...
Then a loud noise came from the spaceship and they were gone and lights disappeared ... Next morning no one believed my story but the top of the avocado pear tree which was around 10m high was burnt black and leaves dead ...
So i tell you again i do believe in extraterrestrials and find them fascinating and wonder why the hell they would want to visit this planet of ours?
What could they actually think they can learn from us ...
I believe what happened actually did happen to me and that what i saw and heard was not some figment of my childhood imagination or not some helicopter hovering outside and rats standing in my bedroom doorway ...
But hey, believe what u want ...
I know what i know ...
Cause i was there and saw and heard it for myself ...
Robot to Robot
Well i drive a bmw 320d individual stock standard though ...
I can keep up with some of the big boys; not often but i could if i wanted too ...
I was driving one day alone in the car stopped at a robot and guess what a little open kadett stops next to me music screaming out the windows ...
Revving the kak out the little engine ...
I looked to my left saw the young snotkop driving with a couple of nice looking young girls in the car so what would any mature older guy do ... ???
Pump your music as well and rev your engine ...
Robot turns green he bliksems weg with snot and dust everywhere and guess what? I bloody stalled on take off ...
I was so damn embarrassed ...
Moral of the story : don't do what youngsters do ...
They are still young and fearless and you may end up looking like a real d..s with a stalled car ...
And a major bruised ego.
Needles to say; me and robot to robot is officially not on at all anymore ...
Rather drive my car like an old man ...
Anything like this ever happen to any readers ?
I can keep up with some of the big boys; not often but i could if i wanted too ...
I was driving one day alone in the car stopped at a robot and guess what a little open kadett stops next to me music screaming out the windows ...
Revving the kak out the little engine ...
I looked to my left saw the young snotkop driving with a couple of nice looking young girls in the car so what would any mature older guy do ... ???
Pump your music as well and rev your engine ...
Robot turns green he bliksems weg with snot and dust everywhere and guess what? I bloody stalled on take off ...
I was so damn embarrassed ...
Moral of the story : don't do what youngsters do ...
They are still young and fearless and you may end up looking like a real d..s with a stalled car ...
And a major bruised ego.
Needles to say; me and robot to robot is officially not on at all anymore ...
Rather drive my car like an old man ...
Anything like this ever happen to any readers ?
Monday 16 May 2016
2 ooms gaan jag
Twee ooms gaan jag, een voel sy maag is nie lekker en se hy sal moet kak,
Die ander een se ja hy moet self broek los maak.
Hulle besluit om back-to-back te sit, dis leeu-wereld.
Terwyl die twee nog so sit , brul n leeu skielik naby hulle..
Albei vlieg in die naaste boom in , maar die een oom lag so hard dat hy amper uit die boom uit bliksem.
Die ander een vra: wats so fokken snaaks....
"Ek lag want jy't darm moer toe groot geskrik."
"Hoe weet jy ek het so groot geskrik?" vra hy.
"Want jy't MY gat afgevee!"
Die ander een se ja hy moet self broek los maak.
Hulle besluit om back-to-back te sit, dis leeu-wereld.
Terwyl die twee nog so sit , brul n leeu skielik naby hulle..
Albei vlieg in die naaste boom in , maar die een oom lag so hard dat hy amper uit die boom uit bliksem.
Die ander een vra: wats so fokken snaaks....
"Ek lag want jy't darm moer toe groot geskrik."
"Hoe weet jy ek het so groot geskrik?" vra hy.
"Want jy't MY gat afgevee!"
Saturday 14 May 2016
Parents Job is NEVER done
As a parent i find that having kids is a blessing some would say others say its a full time job ...
Me it just comes naturally ...
U wake your kids for school ...
Make sure they eat breakfast ...
Brush their teeth and hair ...
Check their shoes and laces ...
Make sure they look presentable in their uniform ...
Then make them double check lunches r in their bags ...
Cooldrink has been packed ...
Remind them to make their beds ...
All this is done while u r in the process of getting dressed yourself ready for work ...
Multi tasking as a parent is a natural everyday happening for all of us ...
Then once u r ready take kids to school ...
Then get urself to work ...
After school fetch kids ...
Drop them at home then go back to work some of us ...
Work until 8 at nite get home ...
Double check homework ...
Make sure their bags r packed ...
Double check their school clothes r ready for the following morning ...
Make sure they not hungry again as growing kids always are ...
Put them to bed one at a time ...
Then the washing gets done and dishes ... those of us without maids ...
Then eventually u can eat bath and have alone time with ur wife, or loved one ...
By then it is 11 o clock get some sleep and guess what !!!
Same routine the following day every day monday to friday ...
If u think of it, we are always on the move ...
Rushing to get here and there ...
When do we actually slow down and relax ???
When the kids have left the nest ... Oh no ... then it starts all over again with grandkids ...
We r a diverse and strange race always trying to get higher up the social ladder of success and always trying to better our standards of living ...
We go through our whole lives doing what we do same routine most of us basically day in and day out then we die ... T
hen we go into the ground and that's it we dead ... End of story ...
Some look at life as a journey others find it a heavy laden task ...
Some believe in the afterlife others not ...
As far as i am concerned, we live - we die ... End of story ...
No reincarnation ... No pearly gates ... No fires of hell ...
Thats it! We have checked out .. Kicked the so called bucket of life ...
Others believe differently, that's why we are all different in every way beliefs included ...
There is no 2 human beings that think the same and act the same maybe look alike yes but at the end of the day we all one of a kind ...
Remember that next time u r feeling down ...
U are one of a kind and no one can take ur individuality away from u never ...
Ur are precious and the only one of ur kind ...
Me it just comes naturally ...
U wake your kids for school ...
Make sure they eat breakfast ...
Brush their teeth and hair ...
Check their shoes and laces ...
Make sure they look presentable in their uniform ...
Then make them double check lunches r in their bags ...
Cooldrink has been packed ...
Remind them to make their beds ...
All this is done while u r in the process of getting dressed yourself ready for work ...
Multi tasking as a parent is a natural everyday happening for all of us ...
Then once u r ready take kids to school ...
Then get urself to work ...
After school fetch kids ...
Drop them at home then go back to work some of us ...
Work until 8 at nite get home ...
Double check homework ...
Make sure their bags r packed ...
Double check their school clothes r ready for the following morning ...
Make sure they not hungry again as growing kids always are ...
Put them to bed one at a time ...
Then the washing gets done and dishes ... those of us without maids ...
Then eventually u can eat bath and have alone time with ur wife, or loved one ...
By then it is 11 o clock get some sleep and guess what !!!
Same routine the following day every day monday to friday ...
If u think of it, we are always on the move ...
Rushing to get here and there ...
When do we actually slow down and relax ???
When the kids have left the nest ... Oh no ... then it starts all over again with grandkids ...
We r a diverse and strange race always trying to get higher up the social ladder of success and always trying to better our standards of living ...
We go through our whole lives doing what we do same routine most of us basically day in and day out then we die ... T
hen we go into the ground and that's it we dead ... End of story ...
Some look at life as a journey others find it a heavy laden task ...
Some believe in the afterlife others not ...
As far as i am concerned, we live - we die ... End of story ...
No reincarnation ... No pearly gates ... No fires of hell ...
Thats it! We have checked out .. Kicked the so called bucket of life ...
Others believe differently, that's why we are all different in every way beliefs included ...
There is no 2 human beings that think the same and act the same maybe look alike yes but at the end of the day we all one of a kind ...
Remember that next time u r feeling down ...
U are one of a kind and no one can take ur individuality away from u never ...
Ur are precious and the only one of ur kind ...
intelligent DNA
Scientists have discovered that there is intelligent DNA in some women. Unfortunately 95% of them spat it out!
Ron and Edna
The love story of Ron and Edna. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ron and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ron suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ron hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied (you'll love this) . .. .. ..
.. .. .. 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?'
Piet, Gatiep en Sipho
Piet, Gatiep en Sipho gaan akwarium toe.Piet sê: “Check daai moewiese haai, dis ‘n Great White!”Sipho strip toe sommer sy BEE-georienteerde moer en vra:“Why does everything have to be white? There should be a Great Black Shark.”Gatiep scheme toe: “Nei my bra, djy’s mal, hoe salit wies as ‘n haai nie kan swemmie! Maar imagine…’n Great Coloured Shark!”Piet check hom uit en sê: “Is JY nou blerrie mal?! Hoe sal ‘n haai nou lyk sonder voortande?!”
Duif
Ma & pa vat hul effens stadige seun , Allen, wildtuin toe. Allen is baie opgewonde, venster oop, gil,giggel & gaan aan. Die volgende oomblik storm 'n volstruis hom & pik hom dat die bloed spat. Dis net vere, snot, geraas & chaos in die kar! Die volstruis klap toe ‘n toon terug die bos in...Allen sit so terug vir 'n paar minute, kyk vir sy ma & sê: "f f f f okken f f f ucktup dduif!!
My creation in my garden
My wife recently found a pic on facebook on how to use up all those empty plastic 2L bottles and since I am a coca-cola addict I had plenty - so we did this
Friday 13 May 2016
Takeaways and Restaurants
Has it ever happened to anyone that they bought a burger and half way through u see a big long thick green worm coming out of the lettuce .Well its happened to me hey ...I am a south african so do what a south african does ... Take it out and chomp that burger klaar??? KAaaaaaak!!!I hurled my guts out and took it back and showed them the worm in the lettuce of my half eaten burger ... It took days before i got a reply back from the take away establishment due to the problem having to go through head office etc etc bull dust ...Can't the manager on duty make the call and just replace ... Needless to say i went back showed the email to the manager and was given a burger free ...Wow ... I lost my breakfast and lunch and only got back 1 little burger ... South african service generally is poor but geez - to wait 3 days for a reply ...?Another time we went out for supper to a very well known restaurant; 4 of us ... Supper was good but the service we received from the waitress and so called manager on duty was very below par to be honest almost none existent ...My wife in true woman nature quickly emailed the place and we were told next time we go in for supper there it will be on the house ...So we went in a couple of weeks later for breakfast ...And let me tell u we were treated like royalty ...Is that not how it should be every time u go out to a restaurant ...Made to feel welcome and important ...
wives and "some happiness"
All men love this ...
How to convince your wife to give some "oral favours" often and without reluctance or bitching ... Step 1 ... Be super nice all day to ur wife ...
Step 2 ... Run her bath water with plenty of soothing bubbles, bath salts, etc ...
Step 3 ... Make supper for her and kids often taking pressure off her ...
Step 4 ... Often give foot rubs and back massages or just give tlc in any shape or form ...
Step 5 ... Don't ask for sex or bjs at all for a couple of days but show her affection none-the-less ...
Step 6 ... Be flirty and funny when asking for a bj via (smileys) or whatsapp or bbm ... Dont ask her to her face ... They dont like that ...
Step 6 ... If none of the above gets u atleast 1 a week then f@#k them, get a skelm who likes to do it ... Problem solved ...
How to convince your wife to give some "oral favours" often and without reluctance or bitching ... Step 1 ... Be super nice all day to ur wife ...
Step 2 ... Run her bath water with plenty of soothing bubbles, bath salts, etc ...
Step 3 ... Make supper for her and kids often taking pressure off her ...
Step 4 ... Often give foot rubs and back massages or just give tlc in any shape or form ...
Step 5 ... Don't ask for sex or bjs at all for a couple of days but show her affection none-the-less ...
Step 6 ... Be flirty and funny when asking for a bj via (smileys) or whatsapp or bbm ... Dont ask her to her face ... They dont like that ...
Step 6 ... If none of the above gets u atleast 1 a week then f@#k them, get a skelm who likes to do it ... Problem solved ...
Kids think adults are stupid
Why is it that kids always think their parents are thick, dom or simply unable to think for themselves and they as the kids know better.
They ask u for help with homework and when u actually give them the answers they have the gaul to actually tell you you are wrong and it should be this way .
Why the hell ask for your help in the first place !!!
When u explain to them that they are wrong and your answer is correct; u get ( dad i know what im doing ) or ( just leave it i will ask mom rather ) ...
And when mom says dad is right she gets an ok thats fine ...
What gives !!!
They ask u for help with homework and when u actually give them the answers they have the gaul to actually tell you you are wrong and it should be this way .
Why the hell ask for your help in the first place !!!
When u explain to them that they are wrong and your answer is correct; u get ( dad i know what im doing ) or ( just leave it i will ask mom rather ) ...
And when mom says dad is right she gets an ok thats fine ...
What gives !!!
And another joke for the day
WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Husband: No...
Wife- Why not? Don't you like...being married?
Husband: Of course i do.
Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Husband: Ok, ok, i'd get married again...
Wife: Would you live in our house with your new
Wife...? Husband: Yes, it's a great house.
Wife: Would you let her drive my car ?
Husband: Yes, its almost new,dear .
Wife: Would you give her my jewelry?
Husband: No.. I am sure she would want her own..
Wife: Would she wear my shoes..?
Husband: NO,HER SIZe IS '5'
Wife: --silence-
Husband: 'shiiit'...!!!
Has this happened to anyone yet ??? If it did I feel sorry for you.
Husband: No...
Wife- Why not? Don't you like...being married?
Husband: Of course i do.
Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Husband: Ok, ok, i'd get married again...
Wife: Would you live in our house with your new
Wife...? Husband: Yes, it's a great house.
Wife: Would you let her drive my car ?
Husband: Yes, its almost new,dear .
Wife: Would you give her my jewelry?
Husband: No.. I am sure she would want her own..
Wife: Would she wear my shoes..?
Husband: NO,HER SIZe IS '5'
Wife: --silence-
Husband: 'shiiit'...!!!
Has this happened to anyone yet ??? If it did I feel sorry for you.
Any one can be a boss (Another joke for the day)
When the Human Body was first made, All the Parts Wanted to be the Boss!:$
Brain said- I'm Boss, coz I decide.
Feet said us and
So did the
Heart,
Lungs,
Hands &
Eyes.....
Finally the Asshole said:
I should be the Boss.
All parts started laughing=))
So the Asshole went on Strike,
Blocked itself and refused to open.
In a short time,
The Hands Cranked,
Eyes Blurred,
Ears Emitted Hot Air,
Brain Got Heavy,
Heart and Lungs Panicked...
So they all agreed that
Asshole should be the BOSS !
Moral:
It doesn't matter how talented you are...?
Any Asshole can be your Boss !!!
Brain said- I'm Boss, coz I decide.
Feet said us and
So did the
Heart,
Lungs,
Hands &
Eyes.....
Finally the Asshole said:
I should be the Boss.
All parts started laughing=))
So the Asshole went on Strike,
Blocked itself and refused to open.
In a short time,
The Hands Cranked,
Eyes Blurred,
Ears Emitted Hot Air,
Brain Got Heavy,
Heart and Lungs Panicked...
So they all agreed that
Asshole should be the BOSS !
Moral:
It doesn't matter how talented you are...?
Any Asshole can be your Boss !!!
What women think
Why is it that a man is always wrong in basically any situation or made to believe he is wrong by his wife ...
Woman think we are a little slow at times due to them always speaking slow to us when they give us an "uit-kak parade" over something we forgot to do or maybe how we acted ...
But let them do something wrong and we give what we get from them then ... shit !!! all doors, windows, fire escapes are sealed off for weeks on end due to them getting pissed off at us men ...
No sex at all for days, weeks or months on end ...
How does a man rectify this ...
Easy i will tell u ...
Don't kak them out at all ...
Go outside scream at absolutely anything u can find to scream at ...
Then have a smoke or 2 or 3 then go inside and act like nothing ever happened ...
Cause we as men all know woman actually are always right in any case, even if they are wrong they are right ...
Got a quote for you read which basically confirms what i have just said ...
( Marriage is a relationship in which one is always right and the other is the husband ) ...
So bloody true that ...
Saw it in the back window of a bmw driven by a woman ...
Go figure ...
Woman think we are a little slow at times due to them always speaking slow to us when they give us an "uit-kak parade" over something we forgot to do or maybe how we acted ...
But let them do something wrong and we give what we get from them then ... shit !!! all doors, windows, fire escapes are sealed off for weeks on end due to them getting pissed off at us men ...
No sex at all for days, weeks or months on end ...
How does a man rectify this ...
Easy i will tell u ...
Don't kak them out at all ...
Go outside scream at absolutely anything u can find to scream at ...
Then have a smoke or 2 or 3 then go inside and act like nothing ever happened ...
Cause we as men all know woman actually are always right in any case, even if they are wrong they are right ...
Got a quote for you read which basically confirms what i have just said ...
( Marriage is a relationship in which one is always right and the other is the husband ) ...
So bloody true that ...
Saw it in the back window of a bmw driven by a woman ...
Go figure ...
Babies ... early hours
How do u sort the problem out with babies and their times of waking u up early hours of the morning every bloody single morning 2 o clock 3 o clock 4 o clock etc ....
Cotton wool in ears helps not but not really effective enough to subdue the screaming from ur little offspring ...
Ill tell u now my answer to the baby problem ...
Elbow ur wife every time in the back or give her a slap hard enough to wake her then act like you are dreaming, moan a little then like magic she gets up and sorts the little offspring out with bottle or burp him while u lie there all snug as a bug in bed still awake but pretending to sleep ...
It really works ... Not all the time but it works most of the time ...
Cotton wool in ears helps not but not really effective enough to subdue the screaming from ur little offspring ...
Ill tell u now my answer to the baby problem ...
Elbow ur wife every time in the back or give her a slap hard enough to wake her then act like you are dreaming, moan a little then like magic she gets up and sorts the little offspring out with bottle or burp him while u lie there all snug as a bug in bed still awake but pretending to sleep ...
It really works ... Not all the time but it works most of the time ...
Coincidence???
I have always wondered why this happens give me ur thoughts once reading my comment ... (Woman wake up yawning ... Men wake up with an erection ) Coincidence or not ... i just think its a mans primal instinct telling us we want it now ...
Fishing
Why is it that men always love to fish ?
Is it because we need a break from wife and kids ?
Is it because we get gatvol of hearing stories of that big one someone else caught ?
Is it because men always wanna be better then our fellow sex ?
I guess its all the above ...
But why is it every bloody time i go fish i catch nothing ...
I use the same rods and reels and bait setup as my friends and nothing small bites only they pull descent size fish out the sea or river ... me, i catch nothing, nadda, niks ...
I stand next to them and cast basically on top of their line and still they catch and I don't ...
U know what i think ???
I'm just not a good fisherman that's all ...
But that don't stop me from sitting there for hours and trying to catch the elusive bloody suckers ...
A kak day fishing is better then a good day at work ... Ain't that the truth ...
Some laughter for the day
What if this happened to u !!!
A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more.
She filed a court case on him. In the court the man's defense was:
- When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.
- She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon The Unknown Boon"
- I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: "William's stick did the trick".
- Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident".
The case was dismissed.
The judge fell off his chair laughing!=))
A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more.
She filed a court case on him. In the court the man's defense was:
- When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.
- She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon The Unknown Boon"
- I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: "William's stick did the trick".
- Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident".
The case was dismissed.
The judge fell off his chair laughing!=))
I am Martin
Ok now ,,, a little introduction to me and who I am ...
I am Martin. Happily married (wife is happy and I'm married), A father to 2 boys (both as good looking as I am); and stepfather to 5 (yes my wife has lots of those little 2 legged creatures). I have been told I am the double of Owen Wilson without the crooked nose although my wife thinks that must have been many moons ago.
I have a problem with anything disorganised and my wife is just the opposite - she thrives in what she calls "organised chaos" - yet trust her to know where anything is she is looking for amongst her piles of chaos.
Our baby was born on 5 January 2016 and he is giving his daddy countless sleepless nights yet I cant complain as he fit fat and healthy and a blessing in our lives.
He has wrapped us all around his pinky and his bigger siblings all adore him to bits (and what a help it is that they are quite a few years older than him as it makes it so easy when you can just shout,.. Danelle, bottle please ... Cameron, please do the nappy... And then you lurk around the corner holding back the tears of laughter when you see them start gagging to the smell of the stink bomb that baby has in store for them.
Its just wonderful ...
I am Martin. Happily married (wife is happy and I'm married), A father to 2 boys (both as good looking as I am); and stepfather to 5 (yes my wife has lots of those little 2 legged creatures). I have been told I am the double of Owen Wilson without the crooked nose although my wife thinks that must have been many moons ago.
I have a problem with anything disorganised and my wife is just the opposite - she thrives in what she calls "organised chaos" - yet trust her to know where anything is she is looking for amongst her piles of chaos.
Our baby was born on 5 January 2016 and he is giving his daddy countless sleepless nights yet I cant complain as he fit fat and healthy and a blessing in our lives.
He has wrapped us all around his pinky and his bigger siblings all adore him to bits (and what a help it is that they are quite a few years older than him as it makes it so easy when you can just shout,.. Danelle, bottle please ... Cameron, please do the nappy... And then you lurk around the corner holding back the tears of laughter when you see them start gagging to the smell of the stink bomb that baby has in store for them.
Its just wonderful ...
What If ???
What if the your favourite pet actually spoke back to you ...
What do you think he or she may say to you ?
What if the blue bulls actually won the super rugby this year would that shut up all u sharks and stormers supporters? I think not ...
What if it rained for 40 days and forty nights ... Would there be a world left ?
What if u never woke up from your sleep do u think u would just dream all the time or would there just be darkness ....
What if the first wheel or plane was never invented ... How would we get around ? ...
What if nature took back its rightful land space and engulfed every town, city, every road, leaving nothing but thick dense forest? Would we still be top of the food chain ?
What if the ocean rose every year by 100m inland ? Would we build huge floating cities or try find other planets to overrun ?
What if our maker came down ? What would u say to him or her, or it for that matter whatever your beliefs may be ?
What if the sun stopped burning and fueling our planet with heat would we as humans cope ?
Does the world have plans for all the what ifs ???
Are we prepared for a major life altering disaster ???
Food for thought !!!
What do you think he or she may say to you ?
What if the blue bulls actually won the super rugby this year would that shut up all u sharks and stormers supporters? I think not ...
What if it rained for 40 days and forty nights ... Would there be a world left ?
What if u never woke up from your sleep do u think u would just dream all the time or would there just be darkness ....
What if the first wheel or plane was never invented ... How would we get around ? ...
What if nature took back its rightful land space and engulfed every town, city, every road, leaving nothing but thick dense forest? Would we still be top of the food chain ?
What if the ocean rose every year by 100m inland ? Would we build huge floating cities or try find other planets to overrun ?
What if our maker came down ? What would u say to him or her, or it for that matter whatever your beliefs may be ?
What if the sun stopped burning and fueling our planet with heat would we as humans cope ?
Does the world have plans for all the what ifs ???
Are we prepared for a major life altering disaster ???
Food for thought !!!
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